Dear God,
Feeling rather inadequate today. Lesser. I'm not quite sure what the word is. Disadvantaged? Like You screwed up a little bit when You made me. Which I don't think You do, but it's hard not to feel that way when I look at my inability to attract a mate. For decades I've told myself to trust You. To not rush into a relationship that didn't feel right just to silence my biological clock. The message from Your word is that You want the very best for us and if I only have patience You will bring me the person You mean for me to have. The message from life is that it will bring me people who want me for my body and a people who love me for myself, and NO ONE who is both. Even when I feel like I'm compromising, I get rejected. When the guy I think maybe I could put up with keeps hanging around telling me he couldn't possibly be in a relationship with me, it's hard to believe that I have any value. That I'm worthy of love. I know, none of us are worthy of Your love, but what it is that makes me so unworthy of the love of decent man? I suppose I should be grateful that I don't need it. That I'm almost complete by myself. But that's not what I'm feeling today. Please, Lord, just fix whatever's wrong with me that makes me keep going back to the dry well, that makes me keep coveting couplehood. Let me be accepting of the person I am and feel truly complete on my own.
Amen.
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